dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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