I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
