I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
