4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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