every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
my liver is dry heaving
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
