im six kinds of drunk right now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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