he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I smell like Dick and happiness
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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