My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
