Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
