soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
