I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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