Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
