yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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