I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
