I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
