I hate all girls vehemently.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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