new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
