I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
