I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize