Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
