Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
