Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
