I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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