To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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