Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
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How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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