Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
