i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
