Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize