Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
