It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
