I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
