I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
