My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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