I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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