And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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