So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
