Have you finally orgasmed yet?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
