I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
