Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
