Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
