I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
