Duck Duck Cougar?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
