Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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