I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
