I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
