Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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