At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
