That's when you crack a 10am beer
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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