Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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