So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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