The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize