we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
