I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish I could teleport
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
