just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
