bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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