So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
