Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think i got beer on your cat.
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