and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
