Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
