dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
