My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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