oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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