the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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