so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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