I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
