So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
