Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
