4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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