peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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