$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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